so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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