She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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