Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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