Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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