Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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