Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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