we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found a bag of teeth...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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