Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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