Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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