Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
