and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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