Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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