we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
