I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
