Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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