I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mom said you looked used
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
