our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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