You work out of a Hotel?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
