Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
