Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think i got beer on your cat.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
