yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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