We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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