My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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