super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
