Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
