think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
