Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
