was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
