Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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