so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
