she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
