Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How's work?
Spinning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
