i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
