My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
