after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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