You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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