Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
