uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
