I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im holly from the hills drunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
