the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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