Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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