I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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