Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
