also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
