Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
