Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
