I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
