Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
