is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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