He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
