I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
