I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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