i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize