If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
