it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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