Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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