i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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