Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
