I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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