Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
