she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
