would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she pinky promised me she was 18
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
