ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
