every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it was like eating out sand paper
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
