His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
