And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
