I love black thongs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
tell me about the eggs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
