Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This baby is an asshole
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
