Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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