About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
