Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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