My first STD was from a foam party
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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