Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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