Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
