But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
