I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
